Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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