strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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