So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize