I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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