I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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