The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize