I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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