That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize