my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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