It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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