Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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