it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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