EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
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For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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