You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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