I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize