Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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