youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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