I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Text me some of your sweat
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