If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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