Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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