Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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