STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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