i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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