you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize