i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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