It's Friday. Sex?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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