It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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