we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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