Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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