I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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