no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize