he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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