i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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