The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My penis needs a shock collar
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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