Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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