please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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