I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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