I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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