Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize