I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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