Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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