I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize