Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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