I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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