i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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