He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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