I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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