what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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