I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize