3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize